"Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved. My soul wait silently for God alone; for my expectation is from Him." Psalm 62:1, 2, 5

"When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63: 6-8

I came across these verses in my devotions last night. I love the book of Psalms. It's like I am reading a record of my own thoughts and God speaking directly to me. Just when I need it, just when I seek Him. Wow. I was thinking about how things are going now. I don't want to be bitter or spiteful, nor do I want to be apathetic. I do, however, want to be patient and wait on God, not on people. I used to be so sure though of God's will, or what I thought was God's will. Remember Romans 8:25, The Verse? Hmmm... I have my doubts now. I wonder if I am being impatient though or if I am having a lack of faith. I don't think I am. I believe it's God just wanting me to trust Him fully. I heard once that if a person knew, then there wouldn't be a need for faith. Faith has to be in the unseen. I am going to bask in God's blessings and enjoy what He gives me each day. So many gifts each day. Thank you, Lord.

 
today the ccs and cbc staff spent the day at city beach in fremont. it was so much fun! played volleyball and pool. playing pool reminded me of those nights at chalkers. i remember going almost every saturday for a couple of months. the last time we went there was a fire and we had to evacuate. ahhh... the good ole days.

i've been thinking... sometimes it's difficult to believe that everything will turn out fine... that even though i mess things up and make mistakes, it will still be okay in the end. i remember this saying "i don't know what the future holds, but i know who holds tomorrow." to totally have faith that God will prevail despite human fraility is hard. i talked about it with one of my best friends last night. he didn't say what i should do, but i know what he would say. his advice has such an affect on me. it's hard not to follow it though cuz i trust him. i trust him a lot. and it's him, not just anybody. he and jon look out for me and i feel protected by them. hmmm... not knowing if all this time is for naught though. but that's what faith is all about... remembering that God is in control. remembering who God is. remembering that God is powerful and faithful. and me? am i more powerful than He is to think that my mistakes will mess up God's plans? well, it might delay things and affect the journey, but the outcome is still the same. the outcome being that God will get the victory. God has promised to be faithful and He keeps His promises. i need to give it ALL to Him, not holding on to even the littlest part. God, i give this to You. i won't worry about this cuz You know. =)

it was nice talking on the phone yesterday with one of my best friends. God has truly blessed me with that friendship. i am glad that i have this friendship and that there is that closeness. it means so much to me. truly a blessing. what an awesome person. such a good friend. i'm so thankful.

well, finally told benny i would do it. got him to ask kenny as well. i think that God has placed me in this position for a reason. i also got to email jody about it too. i can see God working in this. i don't know how it'll turn out, but i know this is something God wants me to have a part in. God, what do you have in store?

 
here i am, waiting in steve and ming's autocad class. only half an hour to go. then korean at brothers! yummmmmm! man, this is such a nice computer lab-- very clean. such a big difference from the computer lab at berkeley. well, it's kinda like the new soda building, except bigger. but the older computer lab that the non-cs people use is nothing compared to this. cool.

only 4 more days 'til orientation. there's still so much to do. even though i've been working late, it still seems like there's so much to do. i'm thankful for christine who washed all my desks and is gonna rip my Bible worksheets out tomorrow. i am happy that i finished all my lesson plans from the first week of school all the way to the end of september. yahoo! i feel good about that. =) it's nice to see everything planned out for the first month. very peaceful feeling. something might come up to change all that. but that's ok. at least i am prepared. =

hmmm... ok, only 20 more minutes to go. whoa, the weather has been weird again. yesterday was sweatshirt cold. today, it was shorts weather. strange. oh, saw "my big fat greek wedding" last night with mere and meg. was actually pretty funny. would even see it again. still wanna see "minority report".

My favorite verses for today: Psalm 39:7 "And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in You." and Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. " it's all in God's hands... =)

 
today was damon and lisa's engagement party. wow. i knew it was coming. dei seemed so ready. he bought a house last year (or was it the year before?), a new car this year, and now the ring. i'm glad she'll be part of the family. i got to talk with rachelle. i can't imagine her not being happy or not being bubbly. she's great! i like her. so far, 2 out of the 3 hom boys married great girls. still waiting for scott. yoley was so nice. oh well. awww, dei and lisa's wedding is august 16th-- same day as family camp. hmmm... am not sure how it'll all work out, but i'm sure it will. their wedding is at 4:00 so that's good. i wonder if family has to get their early. they're taking pictures before that. hmmm... in any case, i won't be able to go back to camp until that sunday morning. well, it's a year away. lots of time to think about it.

it's been nice not having my thursday nights taken with 1ac stuff. i kinda don't want the break to end. also glad not to have to wake up at 6:45am saturday mornings for practice either. only one more week of break. gotta make the most out of the extra free time.

i'm glad the picnic thing is pretty much set. that makes everyone happy. especially those grown-ups who have been nagging and bugging. oh, especially that cousin. man, she irks me. i think she has a thing against young people... like she's older so she knows more. i don't like her telling me what to do. she seems to think she has a right to do that. stop it. leave me alone. last sunday she was giving me a lecture about why i didn't tell auntie shirley about the picnic. she doesn't know what she's talking about. she said she heard that from auntie lily that my grandma talked to auntie shirley and auntie shirley was saying no one ever told her about the picnic. woman, i did. she doesn't know what she was talking about. later on i talked to my grandma and my auntie shirley and sylvia who talked to auntie lily and that's not what they said. that cousin didn't know what she was talking about. leave me alone woman! when she was talking, i just walked away even though she wasn't done talking. she wouldn't listen to me so why should i listen to her? hey, you're not my mother, don't yell at me. hmph, she's not a even blood relative. she just married my dad's cousin. she went off at the mag team meeting about the young people not knowing how to lead worship and i spoke up and said something i shouldn't have said. *argh* she bugs me. i think it's mostly her opinons that bug me and her way of saying them as well as her bluntness and talking like she knows even though she doesn't. it is often difficult to hold my tongue when i hear her speak.

it's been fun hanging out with the other teachers. we always have so many laughs. during lunch friday, my stomach hurt so badly from laughing. that new guy james rice fits in fine. dude, he's only 22. i was the oldest teacher there. wow, school starts in 10 days. yikes. the days are passing way too quickly. all those in-service meetings aren't helping. not exactly an effecient use of our time.

can't believe that ellen and howard are gonna have a baby! SOOOOOO fast! due march 9th. they got married june 8th. man.

oh, saw annie frietas and her mom babs today at chelsea's play. it was so great to see her. she still looks the same. she was giving me the low down on all my old 6th graders. frank doesn't talk to them anymore. too cool, i guess. alexandria and tanya are the center of social events. not surprising. those girls already were popular.
babs said she'll tell joni she saw me. i still haven't emailed joni back. gotta do that.