went to xlg tonight (actually last night, tuesday the 10th). it was a blessing. now i know for sure that God wants me to go and be there. i'm glad cyndi pushed me to go. we learned about love and loving as God loves. that is one of my weaknesses. two people came to mind. those are the 2 girls i avoid like the plague. i felt convicted when i was reading the chapters and the passages for this week. one interesting thing matt pointed out was that anything not done in love is out of the will of God. wow. another interesting thing was that broken relationships with people is a sympton of a broken relationship with God. that really puts the responsibility on me. another thing was that agape love is the foundation. phileo is built upon that, encompassing agape love and expanding it to another level. erao (eros) love is built upon phileo and agape love. in essence, the chapter was saying that a real, true relationship of erao also has phileo and agape. that's why those relationships built on the physical intimacy first soon fail. that's why it's great to marry your best friend. (if only it were that simple, right?). lightbulb #1

anyways, afterwards, we broke into accountability groups. i found out that another girl was feeling the same as i was... lonely and out of place at times at church because of our stage in life and the lack of people our age. and here i was thinking that i was the only one at cbc. then another girl said that she sometimes feels the same way. wow. one of the girls asked me why i am staying at cbc. i told her it was because of the ministried i was involved in and how i knew that God wanted me in those ministries. talking to those girls made me feel so much better... knowing that i am not alone in these passing feelings. wow. lightbulb #2

then when we all came back together and everyone left, all was left except for pat and cyndi and matt. we got talking about that singles celebration... then we got into the career need in our church. wow, it was a long talk. good discussion. was good to share thoughts. i was hearing how there actually is a chance of something happening at our church... that i'm not the only one who sees the need and wants the career ministry. lightbulb #3

then as i was leaving, i realized that God has me still at cbc for a reason. last year about this time, i was already to leave. i liked the people over there and everything over there seemed better, not to mention that things were going well. but God knew better. God was saying, wait you're not done with cbc yet. there are still areas in which i want to use you. if i did leave, i wouldn't have been involved in all these things... to be part of starting the new career ministry or the contemporary service (post-modern service... i think the 11th hour or the 9th hour are good names). God had a greater plan for me. He really closed that other door... the one that i wanted so badly, but God knew better and knew how things were going to be now. i am thankful for His sovereignty. i needed the encouragement of knowing others felt the same way, to use me to encourage the other girls about their feelings, to share about the career ministry and the new service, to fellowship with people i don't have opportunity to hang out with. all in all, God has been watching out for me all along and though it is still sad and i miss my life last year, i know this is for the best. God has better things ahead and i look forward to seeing how God continues to work in my life.